My reflections

Mr. Chung has been the one doing the updates while I was in the hospital. I thought perhaps it is time that I write from my own perspective about the whole thing. Well, if you have not heard, the stork has arrived. B2 arrived into this world on June 29, 2009 at 7.13 am. He came out early at almost 3 months ahead of his expected due date of September 20.

It has been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. The three-week stay in hospital was not exactly an enjoyable experience for me. But it was certainly made more bearable by the numerous visits from cell group mates, church mates, close friends and parents. Of course, the daily visits from Mr. Chung and the occasional star appearances by Little Chung were bonuses.

There are so many things to pen down. And I really do not know where to start from.

Perhaps, I can start from my expectations. I had expected this pregnancy of B2 to be smooth sailing. Morning sickness and cravings eluded me for most part of this pregnancy. I ate well and was zipping around as usual - from my classes, to driving lessons, to cell group and to staying up late writing my papers. It was an ideal pregnancy. I have expected that I would carry B2 to full term. He will be a good size baby because he was gaining good weight as compared to Little Chung. But things were not meant to be. I started leaking amniotic fluid on June 5 and was admitted to KKH on June 9. That marked the beginning of an arduous journey into my third trimester.

The stay in the hospital was filled with anxiety. The initial determination of making the stay a positive one soon dissolved into gritting my teeth to go through each day. It was not a restful stay with blood pressure and temperature check every three hourly; blood test every two days for infections; ultrasound scan twice weekly; IV drip every four hourly for the first week; CTG monitoring twice daily; trips to the labor ward every other day due to the contractions, bleeding and baby’s erratic heartbeat. It was all too nerve-wrecking. But the three weeks are now over.

The delivery of B2 is one which I will remember for a long while. For mums who are reading the blog, you probably are interested to know how it went. It was an 8 hours long, epidural-less, no cut, no tear, 2 pushes and B2 was out labor. Mr. Chung was very encouraging and co-coordinated in clamping the gas mask on me whenever I have contractions. He kept quiet most of the time – not even touching me. He has learned well from the previous labor. The worst part of the delivery was when the umbilical cord snapped (after it was cut from B2, thankfully) and the medical officer could not pull the placenta out. We prayed and by His grace, a more senior consultant came, instructed that Mr. Chung clamp the gas mask onto me and did what was the most excruciatingly painful thing which I ever experienced – she literally, according to Mr. Chung shoved her whole hand in to extract the placenta. I felt like my whole gut was pulled out. Anyways, the delivery is now over.

B2 is currently still in NICU. The doctors have mentioned that he is doing clinically well. Mr. Chung and I have been visiting him often at the hospital. Mr. Chung joked that we should apply for some form of privileged membership since we will be making trips there in the next couple of weeks.

Little Chung seems to be adjusting well without much presence of mummy around. He enjoys the grandparents and they love having him around. Little Chung spent the evening with me the other night. It was nice to cuddle and hold him. To smell his baby smell. It hit me that I missed him, my firstborn so, so much.

Mr. Chung. My dear husband. He has been a pillar of support for me during this period. He has taken on such much while I was in the hospital – a chauffeur; a domestic worker; a mum to Little Chung; a counselor to an emotional wife; a liaison person to update our friends how we are doing. And a husband who ‘in sickness and in health’ stood by me. Thank you, dear for walking this journey with me.

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Throughout all this, I have often been reminded about God’s daily grace and provision to the Chung family. Even till today after B2 has been born, that each second, each minute, each day, each week and each month is a grace from Him. I should not take it for granted. I do not know what the future holds for us as a family but I do know that I can rest in His perfect and good will.

happy father's day, to myself...

While Mrs chung continues her stay in the hospital, and little chung with the grandparents, and me who is nursing a cold (not going to pass the bug to anybody), I have decided to cook myself a nice and simple meal (picture above) to celebrate father's day.

I'm alone but not lonely... and my second son (B2) had given me the best father's gift that I wanted this year, that is to stay inside mrs chung. Well done, B2!

Happy Father's day, me!

mrs chung hospitalised... part two...

We found encouragement from our churchmates during this tough times. From the brother who I shared to, and the few closed ones we asked for prayer, practically within days the whole church came behind us to support us through prayers and words of comfort. Ladies who had similar experience shared with mrs chung what they went through and it brings comfort and peace to her.

and our parents and siblings came in strongly too to help in any way possible. Little chung is especially excited and happy with the sudden extended stay with the grandparents which translates to unlimited access to cartoons, yakults, french fries and apples... we are thankful that he bonded very well with the grandparents that he is not missing mummy at all, and daddy could freed up to take care of mummy in the hospital. We are really thankful that at least we are in singapore now, with help and support from our famiy and friends.

currently, mrs chung is in hospital probably all the way till she delivers. The first priority for the doctors is to keep B2 in mrs chung as long as possible, and we are praying that B2 could be in till at least 34 weeks. By the time this entry made it to the blog, mrs chung has already been in the hospital for over two weeks and B2 is in his 27th week. 7 more weeks, or 1.5 months to go...

Please pray alongside with us, for mrs chung and B2.

Thank you.

mrs chung hospitalised... part one...

Beginning of June, which mrs chung was in 24th week plus of pregnancy, one fine morning she was found to be leaking aminiotic fluid. The medical term is actually premature rupture of membrance (PROM), basically which means that the water bag which B2 is in, cracked and the aminiotic fluid within leaks out. This should not be happening until the day that Mrs Chung is ready to deliver B2, or by calculation anything after 37th week.

By leaking, it meant that mrs chung is going into labour soon if without any treatment, this is basically not ideal for B2 who is only 24th week old inside mummy (he actually had at least 13 more weeks to go), at the same time, it also meant that B2 is not in a sterile environment anymore inside mummy because of the crack... both mrs chung and B2 are suceptible to infection.

We immediately went to our gynae, who had advise us to admit mrs chung to the hospital. The objective is to control the leak, and also to stop any labour process that might induce B2 out at this stage. We are not expecting this complication at all. It is about a week before we set off for our church camp, and suddenly everything goes into a different drive, which we had not prepared for or discussed about.

We are really afraid, because we do not know what is happening and what will happen. All we know is that a life is at stake here, and that is our second child, B2 and our only aim is to make sure we have done whatever we could to make sure he is safe, be it to continue to stay in mrs chung, or in the event that he was to pop out of the womb, he will recieve the best medical care...

Decision were made instantly to adjust the family's situation. Mrs Chung in hospital, and little chung ended up with my parents who will take care of him in the event that I need to rush to the hospital and spend time with mrs chung.

Even though we trusted God, we are still asking the Lord, why? why us? why is this happening? we can easily accept God's will in anything for us, but when it involves another life here, a matter of life and death, it was really difficult for us to let go and said,"God is in control...". Many thoughts went through our minds, why make mrs chung go through this? why let B2 suffer in this manner? etc etc... we don't have an answer at all.

that very sunday, i was in church all by myself, and it was miserable, being alone... all i could think of was, I have a family, but i am worshipping God alone today. at the same time, there was where I draw my strength and comfort from too. As i walked into the church hall, a brother was walking past me and asked how am I, and I was just being casual and replied "I'm fine"... A second later, I actually turned around and said to him that I am actually not fine. I shared with him what happened to mrs chung and he prayed for me... there and then, I actually broke down and cried. I am an emotionally-controlled person and i have been in church for almost twenty years, that is the very first time I actually cried because i am really overwhelmed by the situation and by the prospect of what we are going to face. The brother continue to encourage me to trust God even though it's such a cliche to say that, but both mrs chung and I knew, that is the only thing that we could do, and the only motivating element that kept us going in this really difficult time.

if only i knew...

if only i knew, what they are laughing about....

when mr chung writes...

Because blogging is now officially a luxurious hobby which requires my reflection (not thinking too much recently), wit (not thinking too much recently), logic (not thinking too much recently), philosophy of life (not thinking too much recently), that I do not exactly possess at the moment...

according to Austin Power, I probably have lost my mojo somewhere... but the crucial point is, is that a good or bad thing? I can't answer you that.

Having to sit in front of the computer, reading articles and typing report... blogging seems to be the least exciting thing at the moment, between hammering the keyboard and staring at a banana, I probably will choose the latter. Is that a good or bad thing? I can't answer you that.

Not that life is boring, meaningless and full of thorns... but just that, after trying so hard to understand what the textbook is trying to tell me what is the thinking pattern of the Apostle Paul (Jewish monotheism vs hellenlistic thinking), the last thing you probably want to do is to write into the blog the following, " dear blog, today i learn about Paul from the bible, and he is a true bloody Jewish Christian who believes in the faithful God of Israel who had send his son, Jesus Christ, through death and resurrection, to redeem the world!", that is practically like living the nightmare twice (not the Jesus part, but the reading and writing part). Is that a good or bad thing? I can't answer you that.

I think I have not express my opinion about being a student again publicly... but here goes... I think I loathe it!!! I come to realise what I am good at, and what I really suck at... getting things done, working with my hands, getting my feet dirty - that's my cup of tea. Christian theory, theological arguements, systematic thinking... woe... it doesn't rhyme with my name at all... Is that a good or bad thing? I can't answer you that.

I think I loathe it... but ironically, I am learning so much too... fascinating isn't it?... for me, my life is probably at its greatest, weirdest, unexplainable, once-is-enough ironical experience...living in the "You do not want to do that certain thing, but yet you want to do that certain thing" paradox...

The question is, is that a good or bad thing? I can't answer you that neither...

ah... this entry should be under the 'raw and senseless' category, or simply straight to the 'deleted post' area... Is that a good or....

nevermind.

Because Mr. Chung is not writing ...

I really need to get down to writing my papers. But instead I felt that I needed a break from the research on counseling theories; the doctrine of God and predestination. So here I am writing something for the blog. So much for trying to de-stress.

Some had asked if this pregnancy is different from when I was expecting Little Chung. I feel pretty much the same save for some night sickness and feeling tired. One noticeable difference is that I seem to have gotten bigger sooner. In the first pregnancy, Mr. Chung drew much flak for calling me a ‘fatty’ when I was 21 weeks pregnant. But this time round, he started calling me ‘fatty’ 15th week into my pregnancy. Thanks lor. Some had said that you get bigger earlier for the second pregnancy. Maybe it is B2 growing. Or maybe it is really just fats. You know, spare tyres?

Anyways, on a different note. How have we been doing as a family?

Well, there are definitely ups and downs; good and bad; sunny and rainy; wonderful and not so wonderful. Perhaps it is the reality of being back in Singapore that hits us – finally… or eventually. I don’t know. Different expectations from ourselves of ourselves. Different expectations from people around us. So much to do but so little time. The joy of studying but the struggle to keep myself awake at night for the readings and paper writings. The rush of each morning to prepare for school (my school) and for Little Chung to have his breakfast but the importance of taking it slow to enjoy the presence of God. The scarcity of time but the significance of spending quality time with friends who need a listening ear.

Where is the balance to this all? I guess I just have to plod slowly and find my way around.

just checking in

And so February passed by with the celebration of our 5th wedding anniversary (we actually survived five years. clap!clap!clap!) Mr. Chung celebrated his 31th birthday san the pomp pomp. It was nothing spectacular. Little Chung dressed up as a jester or rather I dressed Little Chung up as a jester and presented a mango cake to Mr. Chung early in the morning. I think Little Chung was more excited than Mr. Chung. While we live day by day trying to catch up on our readings and papers to write, we discovered in January that we are expecting baby number two. We shall henceforth refer baby number two as B2 in our future posts – as requested by Mr. Chung. I don’t know why but Mr. Chung gets a kick out of calling our number two, B2. He says B2 reminds him of the 'B2' in ‘Bananas in Pyjamas’. Anyways, I digress.

Little Chung is growing. He can now do cartwheels, somersaults and swing from pole to pole. I am kidding, of course. But he certainly is very active. His latest antics -manipulate us to bring him out. He would sign 'please', run to the door and gesture towards it. Always in that order. His amused grandparents often are preys to his tactical manipulation. As bad parents, we have allowed him to watch TV. Hi-5 ranks top one in his list of to-see DVDs. He still brings us much joy despite his sporadic tantrums.

B2 is growing well. The obstetrician, as usual, has strongly encouraged me to drink more milk, eat more cheese, and take more supper – basically, try to put on more weight.

I am growing. Well, at least I hope I am growing. Three big meals and two snacks in between a day surely will help me put on the necessary weight. Yes?

Mr. Chung on the other hand has lost some weight. Just the other day, one of our church mates commented that Mr. Chung seems to have slimmed down. That made his day.

Well, the Chung tribe is growing. Check this space periodically. We will try to update as much as possible.

Now, back to readings and assignments.

of life lately...

life moves on whether we like it or not... and here am i, in middle of the night trying to collect some thoughts on what went through my life in the last two months. I definitely make a lousy writer, by the rate i made entries... it probably take me (assuming each journal contains 50 pages, double sided would be 100), 1 entry in 2 months * 6 times for a year, about 18 years to complete the journal... stationary shops probably would not give me their platinum member special discount, and my diary would probably be a memoir instead. Not too bad, actually... if i'm faithful enough to write for the next 18 years, or more...

one wedding coordinator role, one chinese new year (thus the CNY), one VD (Valentine's day) and the beginning of another academic pursuit... here I am in the midst of february...

i'm not sure if it's just me or everyone feels the same way.. but seems like time passes so much faster then before, here was i not so looking forward to mondays and before i could spell out the entire 'monday', here am i staring at friday... maybe the earth is spinning faster, and blame it on global warming...

whatever, like i said, life goes on... but there are always things to be discovered about one self... just depending on which angle you are looking at your body... well, here's mine...

firstly, i am no longer able to go for late night studying anymore... one of those night (at about 2 in the morning, i was trying very hard to study, next thing i remember, i fell asleep on my desk in a sitting position, a pool of saliva in front of me and the clock shows 4am.

secondly, i'm eating much lesser now, still put on weight at double the rate and and have to walk 4 times faster to feel the burning of calories in my body. i concluded that i am still growing. AND as everyone said, I'm in shape. a good shape. round is a shape, and therefore I am in good shape.

thirdly, i love my son to bits, and i'm beginning to hate him at the same time... at the corner of my eyes, there is this little figure zipping around, taking out books, flipping through toys, tearing off pages and papers and the worst part of it, he's slight hay-wired... when you said no, it means yes... there were times i just wanted to choke him to death, the thought of seeing him turns blue thrills me actually... (don't worry, i'm recieving counselling... my wife is studying to be a counsellor and she is doing well on me thus far... well at least zachy is still zipping around)

fourthly, i learn to shut myself from the world around me... i found myself nonchalantly digging my nose, ears, mouth and trying removing eye wax, and burping loudly (all of these not at the same time though) while everyone stares at me. I am not blushing anymore, maybe my blood circulation system is down...

fifthly, i am philosophical, especially on the concept of peace-loving... as my wife nags and goes on about why the dishes are not washed, clothes not hanged, why the floor is not sweeped and mopped, newspaper all over the place, zachy's toy lego set as landmines everywhere etc etc... i found myself replying with just a 'ok', instead of the usual long list of reason why it is not my fault... with the love for peace, comes the great serenity... loving it...

so what have you learn about yourself lately? don't bother to tell me.

Back to School

School has started for me (Mrs. Chung) since last week. And I must say that it has been really wonderful! Great lecturers for their passion in teaching. Amazing coursemates ranging from pastors, elders, housewives and grandpa of 2 grandkids!! For me, I am trying to understand what is the difference betweem psychology, philosophy, cosmology and efficacy of empiricism while trying to finish my long list of required reading assigments. What a privilege it is to have this opportunity to delve into His word.

enjoying the view...

you don't have to be in a cold snowy place to enjoy christmas... sometimes, what matter more is where you are looking at that makes the difference...

christmas presents...

saw those presents underneath the christmas tree? only one is mine and that's from mrs chung... and mrs chung also only got one, and... from me... so what about the rest? it's all little chung's...




while our exciting unwrapping moment just took merely a 30 nano-seconds to be over... little chung took half a morning unwrapping and exploring all the presents he recieved from his uncles and aunties and our friends...

i'm starting to feel like to the neglected child of the family, who no one bother to ask about or care if dead or alive...

while little chung pound on his new toy, let me just go one corner and sulk...